Week 51, 2020 - Breaking away

It took a couple of uncomfortable days to stop feeling unsettled. I’m now sleeping as much as I want (a lot, and it’s not just the jet lag) and sinking into quiet time to read and re-connect with family. I also found a great online deal on a second-hand Brompton bike. I’m really looking forward to learning its ins and outs, riding in Tokyo and bringing it back with me to Paris.

Looking back, my bike-buying process was a mess. A few months ago, I did a ton of research and decided I wanted one and then… I didn’t take the step of buying it. And what happened was like a car stuck in the parking lot with its engine left on. I didn’t drive out and I didn’t turn off the engine, so I just kept using up gas.

A series of events this spring/summer, both pandemic-induced and not, caused an ongoing state of upheaval that really depleted my confidence tank. One of the consequences was not being able to make decisions or take action after I’d made them. Rendering choices through action, no matter how small, generates energy and I haven’t been able to do enough of it in the past few months. The bicycle is one of the simpler examples.

This insight had the power to knock me out of my recent malaise and feeling of helplessness after realizing that 2021 will look quite similar to 2020 in terms of corona risks and constraints. I’m glad for it, and it probably wasn’t a coincidence that these thoughts came while journaling on the riverside, feeling the winter sun and enjoying a cup of hot tea from my trusty thermos.